


When the stars have all gone out (you'll still be burning so bright)

by NegativeBlue



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F, Post season 4 finale fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-13
Updated: 2015-05-13
Packaged: 2018-03-30 07:50:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3928819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NegativeBlue/pseuds/NegativeBlue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You summoned me?” Emma says. Her voice is lower, Regina thinks, a lot lower and Emma almost sounds amused as she speaks. Her lips curve into a wicked smirk and she cocks her head at them in a way that makes shivers travel down Regina’s spine. There is something inherently evil about the way Emma appraises them all, as if they are unworthy of her presence and Regina wonders how much the darkness has already taken a hold of Emma.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When the stars have all gone out (you'll still be burning so bright)

**Author's Note:**

> Post-finale fic. Though since I love my sandbox too much, Zelena isn't pregnant in this story, Hook isn't that important and I guess Regina/Robin went on a break somewhere after the whole Lily-ordeal. 
> 
> Robin and Hook are only referenced a few times, but they don't really feature in the story. It's about Regina and Emma and how deep the relationship between those two really runs.
> 
> Title taken from Sarah McLachlan's 'Answer' which is a beautiful song and you should listen to it maybe before reading this story.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Dark One, I-I summon thee.”

 

She can’t help but notice how Snow’s voice hitches with every word, how her tear-filled eyes never waver from the dagger she is grasping in her trembling hands. Light glints from the blade in the brightly illuminated living room. The dagger makes her own stomach flip with the memory of holding it, of how it felt in her hands. Like fiery snakes coiling around her hands, her arms, spreading darkness throughout her being with every passing second.

 

She trembled then, much like Snow is now, but she knows the reasons are different. Even with all the planning and discussing done this week, Regina knows that actually summoning Emma like this must be weighing heavily on Snow’s mind.

 

The seconds pass but nothing happens and she catches David’s worried glance cast her way, though she’s unsure of what to say. Unsure if they should try again. Irrevocably her eyes find the dagger again, trace the name etched on the blade and her throat constricts painfully.

 

Dark smoke suddenly pours forward from the dagger. Sudden enough for Snow to almost drop the dagger. Hook is the first to take a few steps away from where the smoke is gathering and becoming darker, a mass of black tendrils that slowly form into a more solid entity.

 

She swallows when the smoke lifts and Emma appears in front of them. Snow lets out a choked noise that she smothers with one of her hands and Regina can’t help the small audible gasp of surprise herself. Emma’s head is bent towards the ground, but what is visible of her skin is glittering faintly with a matted golden color that Regina recognizes all too well.

 

“Emma,” David murmurs, his voice cracks and to Regina it seems as if he is on the verge of tears.

 

“Love?” Hook steps forward before she can tell him not to.

 

Emma’s head snaps up instantly and she hisses in a way that makes Hook stop instantly in his tracks. Instead of their usual hazel, Emma’s eyes are now a dulled grey, similar to the way Rumpel’s had been in the past and Regina’s stomach lurches. She doesn’t understand why Emma appears this way but it has to have something to do with how she allowed herself to be consumed by the dark power that was tethered to the dagger.

 

“You summoned me?” Emma says, her voice is lower, Regina thinks, a lot lower and Emma almost sounds amused as she speaks. Her lips curve into a wicked smirk and she cocks her head at them in a way that makes shivers travel down Regina’s spine. There is something inherently evil about the way Emma appraises them all, as if they are unworthy of her presence and Regina wonders how much the darkness has already taken a hold of Emma.

 

“We just..we haven’t seen you since..” Snow speaks up before she can and Regina lets out a long withhold breath. But it doesn’t make her breathe any easier. It doesn’t remove the weight that sits so heavily on her chest.

 

“We were just wondering how you are doing, Emma.” To Regina’s surprise David sounds fairly calm and collected. But his hands are balled tightly as they hang at his sides. As if he was afraid that he might be tempted to reach out towards his daughter.

 

“How do you think, I am doing, dad,” Emma growls. She nearly spits out the word ‘dad’ and Regina cringes at the harsh tone in which Emma is speaking.

 

“Emma,” Regina tries to deflect her attention away from her parents, “we want to help you, but we need..”

 

Emma’s low chuckle and the few steps she takes towards her makes Regina swallow the rest of her sentence and her skin prickles as she holds Emma’s icy gaze. “Shouldn’t you be out there, Regina, enjoying your precious happy ending?” Emma mocks, but Regina recognises the attempt to start an argument and she refuses to rise to the bait.

 

She stays silent and Emma’s eyes drift back towards where Snow is standing with the dagger. “You want to help me, then give me that dagger.”

 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea right now,” she speaks up and she smiles faintly when Snow shoots her a grateful look. “Not when you are like this.”

 

“So you would summon me, control me like a dog on a leash and you think I would want your help?”

 

“The alternative is risk losing you completely. You have people here who love you deeply, who would do anything in their power to bring you back from the darkness, like you asked them to.” She sees the spark of recognition in Emma’s eyes then. She sees a spark of the Emma she’s come to know so well. “You do remember that moment,” she says softly. “You do remember the words you’ve spoken yourself.”

 

“I’m not that person anymore,” Emma responds. But she isn’t looking at anyone this time and Regina can feel something inside of herself crumble away. And it isn’t the first time that she wonders if this had been worth it. If the gain was worth the loss.

 

“Do not summon me again unless you have a reason to do so,” Emma mutters darkly. And then she vanishes in a dark purple cloud of smoke and all Regina can do is stare at the spot where Emma had been standing at moments before and swallow back the tears.

  
  


 

* * *

 

  
  


She picks up the dagger slowly, cautiously, much like she has been doing the last few times she picked it up. Somehow Regina keeps thinking it might become easier the next time. But it never does.

 

It is not as heavy in her hands anymore at least. And it also doesn’t feel like before. Then, the metal had felt as if it would sear into her flesh. Then, she had felt the power tethered to the dagger calling to her, whispering to her with it’s promises of unlimited power. The metal actually feels cool to the touch now and she traces the name etched on the blade slowly as she struggles with the temptation of calling Emma forth with it.

 

Perhaps that’s the reason she places it back on the counter again and glamours it into a vase filled with flowers. The temptation is always there and she understands Snow and David’s decision all too well in trusting the dagger to her. She would be able to keep it safe after all, protected. But she wonders now if it was the temptation of summoning Emma whenever they wanted to. Or perhaps it was the memories associated with the dagger.

 

If she closes her eyes long enough she can remember the invasive feeling of something dark, something ancient, tearing into her skin. Ripping at very core of her being, wrapping itself around her heart in an ever tightening hold. She had been in so much pain that she had barely registered Emma running up to her.

 

It all blurs together from there. But she still remembers Emma vanishing.

 

And she thinks once more that the gain wasn’t worth the loss.

 

She had tried to tell Robin as much. And she knows he means well with giving her the time and space she needs. And promising to do whatever he can to help her find a way to save Emma. But she still can’t help wonder if he understands. If he knows how much Emma’s decision truly affects her.

 

How could she live her happy ending with the knowledge that Emma might forever remain this way?

  
  


 

* * *

 

  
  


“Can I see her?”

 

“Henry…” she sighs and swallows around the lump in her throat.

 

Having explained to him what Emma was like now, that she wasn’t anything like the person she had been before, she has been able to tell him to have patience and he hasn’t pressed the issue further. But she also knows her son and she understand his longing to see Emma again all too well. But deep down inside Regina dreads the meeting that would follow. She dreads exposing him to a side of Emma that would cause him nothing but pain.

 

Her eyes drift towards the stack of books on the table. “I will talk to her about it,” she says, though she wishes she had more time. More time to find a way to track down Merlin, or find a different way to lift the curse of the Dark One.

 

“Where do you think she is right now?” Henry asks. She sees him flip through the pages of one of the books and frown. Most of them are written in languages he has likely never heard of and she doubts he understands a single word written in them.

 

“I...don’t know actually.” The question does come as a surprise to her. It’s not something she had thought of. All she knows is that Emma initially had been locked into the dagger for some reason. But after vanishing from Snow and David’s apartment a few days ago, she hasn’t been seen since.

 

“I wish I hadn’t broken the pen,” Henry mutters out suddenly, an expression on his face that shatters Regina’s heart.

 

“Henry..” she whispers as she reaches out and envelops him into a hug. “None of this is your fault,” she repeats over and over again as she rocks him slowly and presses kisses into the crown of his hair.

 

It was no one’s fault. But she can’t keep the images of Emma slowly being devoured by the darkness from her mind no matter how she tries.

  
  


 

* * *

 

  
  


“You really think those will help?”

 

She jumps up in her chair and her heart leaps into her throat. She still has the presence of mind to place a small piece of paper between the pages before she closes the book and turns around. But her heart’s still beating so loudly she wonders if Emma is able to hear it from where she’s standing.

 

“How did you get in here?” She remarks not unkindly, though she’s unable to keep the suspicious tone out of her voice. No one has seen Emma for almost a week now after all and she is under no illusions that this new Emma wouldn’t have ulterior motives for visiting her out of the blue.

 

“How do you think?” Emma says, her voice is strangely seductive as she takes a few steps forward and leans into Regina’s personal space. “I suppose being the Dark One does come with a perk or two.”

 

“Which would happen to include a new wardrobe?” She queries while she regards Emma warily. She can’t recall ever having seen Emma wear the black leather duster that she is wearing now. It rustles with every movement she makes and it strangely seems to suit Emma’s new way of walking. Though Regina muses swaggering would be a far more accurate term.

 

“Not really?” Emma says silkily. “Though I imagine shoplifting hardly registers on the scale of evilness, now does it? I’ll admit it was tempting to crush that woman’s heart though, it would’ve been so easy. There’s something addicting about having all this power, at seeing the fear in someone’s eyes when you reach into their chest. I think I understand it better now.”

 

“You’re not evil though,” she states more calmly than she really feels. But Emma’s aloofness as she talks about crushing hearts still disconcerts her. Enough for her to be on guard and ready to transfer the dagger to her hand, should it be necessary.

 

Emma grins broadly as she tilts her head sideways. “Is that really what you think?”

 

“You didn’t crush that woman's heart.”

 

“I’m sorry, was that you reiterating my words or did you just taunt me to go and do exactly that? Because all it will take is a minute, really.”

 

“I don’t think you will,” she states confidently. “I think that even now there’s still parts of Emma Swan trying to fight their way to the surface. I think that you are struggling with who you were and what you’ve become. This darkness that’s inside you doesn’t need to control you Emma. I can help you with that, and I can help find a way to free you of it eventually, I’m sure of it.”

 

“And if I don’t want your help? You will use the dagger and force me to comply?” Emma sneers. The flecks of gold across Emma’s skin shimmer as she circles around Regina. “Did it cross your mind that I might be enjoying who I am now. That I enjoy having the power to get rid of things and people that irritate me? The only thing that limits my freedom is the dagger.”

 

Emma smirks evilly and Regina can feel her skin grow cold. “Why don’t you give it to me? No one has to know and you would be free of that burden you’re carrying with you. Free of this pathetic guilt trip you are on.”

 

She snorts derisively, but her stomach turns itself into knots at Emma’s words. “You think you can manipulate me with your words but I think you’re forgetting who you are dealing with, dear. And I do not feel guilty. But I do want to help you. And I also know that the Emma Swan I knew would be doing the same thing I’m doing now if you were in my shoes.”

 

Emma’s glare is murderous but Regina doesn’t even flinch as she holds her eyes. “Now if that would be all, I suggest you to take your leave again, unless you want me to command you to.”

 

She isn’t surprised when Emma teleports out without a word. It only takes a second or two after that for her expression to fall. And then she slumps back down in her chair at the desk and buries her face into her hands with a muffled sob.

  
  


 

* * *

 

  
  


She wonders if she had made a mistake.

 

Emma entire body is trembling like a leaf. Her hands are twitching at her sides and the way her eyes keep drifting towards the dagger makes Regina think she has made a mistake in summoning her.

 

“You have no right to do this,” Emma snarls.

 

“Perhaps if you stopped hiding...wherever it is you are hiding at, I wouldn’t need to do this,” she snaps right back. “Your parents, your son, are all worried sick about you.”

 

“You know why I am hiding!” The duster rustles along the floor as Emma steps into her personal space. “Why do you keep pushing me, don’t you have what you wanted all along? All I’m asking is for you and everyone else to leave me the hell alone.”

 

“Do you have any idea how much Henry wants to see you? How devastated he really is by all this?”

 

“You KNOW what I am, Regina,” Emma growls. “You really think he wants to see me like this? Did you conveniently forget how close I came the other week to killing someone, how close I still am to just wanting to taking out my frustrations on everyone and everything?” She smirks, her eyes holding a evil glint that makes Regina swallow, though outwardly she remains unfazed.

 

“You think you can fool me with that expression of yours?” One of Emma’s hands reaches out and a golden flecked digit traces slowly along Regina’s cheekbone. There is something hypnotising in the way Emma appraises her and Regina finds herself unable to look away. She does curl her fingers a little tighter around the dagger in her hand, but refrains from interrupting Emma just yet. Curious, even though it was dangerous to do so, as to where Emma would be going with this.

 

“You forget that my magic is different now. I can sense your heart beating erratically in your chest. I can sense the way it’s accelerating even now. You know how easy it would be for me to yank it from your chest and slowly snuff the very life out of you while you watched me doing so, in agony?

 

She doesn’t hesitate in raising her free hand, wrapping her fingers around Emma’s wrist and guiding it down. “Is that what you really want?” she says softly as she holds Emma’s eyes captive with her own. “To remove my heart from my chest?” She removes her fingers and feels how Emma exerts some pressure. Only thin layers of clothing and skin separate Emma’s hand from her heart and Regina knows that even with the dagger in her other hand she is playing a dangerous game.

 

“Do you really believe it will make a difference? Once I’m gone, who would be next? Hook? Your parents, Henry?”

 

Emma’s touch is searing into her skin and she wonders if it is because of the Dark One’s magic or something else entirely. She knows that if she would look down, if Emma removes her hand there wouldn’t be any visible marks there. But it still hurts and she clenches her teeth to bear the pain.

 

There is no visible reaction on Emma’s face, but the fact she doesn’t move and keeps looking at Regina as if she was looking for answers, counts as a win for her. And then Emma’s eyes drift and she lets out a shuddery breath. They close, though the hand remains where it is. It surprises her when Emma’s touch no longer sets her skin on fire. It’s more gentle now, a warmth that spreads through her skin and makes her feel more alive than she can ever remember feeling before. It is an odd feeling and though it should scare her, should make her remove Emma’s hand from where it’s resting, she keeps herself still in fear of breaking the moment they are having.

 

Emma’s eyes snap open a moment later and it’s the Dark One staring back at her. “Do not ever do that again,” Emma mutters on a strained tone, “next time, you might not be so lucky.” She snaps her fingers and a purple cloud envelops her, leaving Regina by herself once more.

  
  


 

* * *

 

  
  


She doesn’t knock on the door, figuring that Emma likely knows she’s coming from the way she breached the concealment spell.

 

“I’ll admit it’s an improvement over your parents apartment, dear.”

 

“So it isn’t enough that you can summon me at your every whim, you have to barge into my house as well,” Emma grunts out irritatingly from where she’s leaning against the wall. Her arms are crossed and there’s an unimpressed look on her face.

 

“For all this power you possess that concealment spell was done in a very sloppy and amateuristic way.”

 

She won’t quite admit it, but a part of her is still impressed with the way Emma set all this up. Moving the Sorcerer's apprentice’s house to the woods and concealing it like this hadn’t really crossed her mind when it came to places where Emma could be hiding out at.

 

Emma glares at her before she sighs and launches herself away from the wall. She walks into the living room without waiting to see if Regina would follow. “Why are you here?”

 

“Because you hate being summoned.”

 

“That’s not really an answer,” Emma mutters, looking annoyed. She props up her boots on the coffee table and grabs something from the sofa next to where she’s sitting.

 

Curiosity momentarily overrides the real purpose of her visit. “What are you doing?”

 

Emma shrugs. “Carving.”

 

She looks around the room and notices the various wooden statues and carvings for the first time. Some look like hideously deformed lumps but there are others, intrinsically carved animals and even people, though she can’t quite make out who they are meant to represent.

 

“What did you think I was doing all day? Brood in the dark and hatch plans to take over the world?” She pauses and flicks a lock of hair behind her ear before looking up, “it keeps me busy, it keeps me from thinking too much.”

 

“These are beautiful,” she murmurs as she turns over one of the carvings of a hawk.

 

Emma says nothing for a moment, then sighs and flicks her eyes Regina’s way again, “why are you really here, Regina.”

 

Swallowing, she walks back towards the door and opens it. “You can come in,” she says to Henry, mentally praying she made the right decision in doing this.

 

But the seething look of rage and betrayal that greets her the moment Henry steps into the room tells her otherwise. There is obvious reluctance for a second, but Emma still reaches out and hugs Henry and Regina thinks that’s enough for the moment. They talk and there are moments where Emma smiles like she used to and Regina thinks its enough. And for those few precious minutes she can pretend that everything is fine and right with the world.

 

She knows it’s only a matter of time before the reality would come crashing back down on her.

  
  


 

* * *

 

  
  


She is glad that Emma waits until Henry is gone from the mansion.

 

“I warned you the other day,” Emma’s voice booms through the study as she appears in a cloud of smoke. “Why the hell won’t you let it be? Let ME be. I did as I promised, I gave you your happy ending, why isn’t that enough for you?”

 

“You think I can be happy while you suffer, really?” She hisses right back, refuses to give an inch. “This isn’t ever what I wanted Emma, this isn’t…”

 

“Then what is it you want?” Emma interrupts her angrily. And for a moment, Regina swears Emma’s eyes turn to their normal shade of green, but just as quickly they revert back to the Dark One’s dulled grey color. “Why is it so important for you to find a way to remove this darkness from me. I chose to sacrifice myself, I’ve come to terms with it, why can’t you?”

 

“You know why,” she yells before she can think better of it. She claps a hand in front of her mouth right afterwards but from the incredulous expression that’s on Emma’s face she knows it’s far too late for that. She also knows she doesn’t even need to say the words out loud. Since they couldn’t be more obvious. How Emma is part of her happiness and she can’t even remember when this happened.

 

A fireball appears in one of Emma’s hands and before Regina is able to react she throws it at the desk that contains her research.

 

“NO!” she cries out, though she’s unable to douse the flames enough to save the notes she had been working on for the past month and a half. When she turns towards Emma, half-burned papers in her hands and tears burning in her eyes, she comes face to face with the dagger instead.

 

It laid on the desk next to her papers, as she was doing research on the origins of the dagger. How Emma had managed to get a hold of it she doesn’t know, but a deep feeling of dread coils into the pit of her stomach when Emma waves it around in front of her face.

 

“I’ve come to terms with it, Regina,” Emma repeats, sounding almost sad as she traces her own name on the dagger. “And so should you.” A cloud of smoke appears and Emma vanishes.

 

Tears slowly make their way down Regina’s face as she stares at the useless wad of ruined papers in her hands and she’s hit with an overwhelming sense of loss.

  
  


 

* * *

 

  
  


It takes her weeks to find Emma’s house again. Weeks of sleepless nights, of even going to the Blue Fairy and Zelena for help. Weeks of blaming herself for screwing everything up so badly.

 

The only comfort she has during all that time is knowing that Emma hasn’t done anything. Hasn’t made a move. Hasn’t appeared to anyone all this time.

 

She does knock this time, fearful of what Emma’s response might be.

 

Though to her surprise Emma actually smiles when she opens the door. “I knew it was only going to be a matter of time.”

 

“Emma?” She utters her name in a cautiously hopeful tone, her eyes flicking around to look for any signs of danger.

 

“It is pretty hard you know?” Emma continues as if they hadn’t just seen each other for the first time in weeks. “But what you said was right. That it’s about control. I can guide it now, but I can’t ever separate it from who I am.”

 

“And you have no idea what it was like,” Emma says as she walks into the living room. The dagger suddenly appears in her hand and she twirls it around between her fingers. “When I initially woke up. I was breathing darkness, like it was a living entity. Maybe it is, I don’t know. But it’s all I could feel, all I thought I could be. I felt so much more powerful and it made me think that I could do everything, that I could exert control over everything, something I was never able to do before.”

 

“Power like that is merely an illusion,” Regina says, despite knowing that Emma could take it the wrong way. But she can’t help but think of all the times she removed someone’s heart in the past, crushed them to dust and relished in control it gave her over others. Only to realize as the years passed, that no amount of control would ever make her happy, would ever fill the void in her heart.

 

“I know,” Emma murmurs. “I thought having the dagger would soothe the ache I’m feeling in my heart, but it doesn’t. I wonder now if anything can. Not while I’m like this.”

 

“What are you sa..”

 

One of Emma’s hands shoots out and renders her speechless. Emma’s eyes are green when she clasps one of her wrists. They are green when the dagger is placed in the palm of her hand. And they are green when she smiles in a way that lights up her entire face.

 

“I’m saying I need your help with lifting the darkness.”

  
  
  


 

  
  
  
  
  



End file.
